Relena averted her eyes as she listened to Viserys’ words. What had he expected their marriage to be like? They courtship had started with them both knowing that if it failed there would be war, not the best ground for a love to blossom. For a long moment the young queen remained silent, even after her husband had told her that he would fully return to his own, till she finally spoke.
“I wanted that too…”, she suddenly mumbled, emerald eyes staring into the distance, at something that didn’t seem to be there. “I wanted to wake up in my husband’s arms, every morning. I imagined the way I would tell him that we were expecting our first child, and it certainly wasn’t by him finding me leaning over a chamber pot.”, as she said this, Relena glanced at Viserys for the briefest of moments, before her eyes drifted off again. “I always wanted a small wedding… well as small as the wedding of a princess could be… and I was this…”, she said, her head fully turning towards her husband as a pale hand rose, her index finger and thumb not even an inch apart. “…close to getting it all and then the gods decided to take him from me.”
As she thought about what had happened, all those moons ago, when all those dreams and hopes had been shattered, her eyes begin to sparkle from the wetness, as she fought against her tears. She was a queen now, queen’s didn’t cry, not when other’s could see them. “And then the gods decided to make the mockery perfect by giving me seven kingdoms and duty in return.” For a moment no sound would leave the raven haired woman’s lips, until she let out something that sounded like a frustrated laugh. “My father once said that Lyanna Stark’s death left a hole in his heart that seven kingdoms couldn’t fill, when I was younger I could never understand what that was supposed to mean… until I could…”, Relena explained, her eyes lowering to stare at the ground while she spoke.
“And I tried to give you a chance, I really did but…”, the queen began saying, her head slightly shaking, while she kept talking. “Our courtship… it was so different from what I had with him… I know it is not fair to compare you with what he did but… what I had with him… it was like those courtships in all those songs and what you and I had… it didn’t even come close… you… the courtship we had, it just… not much happened that made me fall in love with you and I don’t know if I will ever fall in love with you, but I was more than willing to be civil to you, to be kind, I did what I could to get you your lands and titles back, I was willing to call you my husband, I am even willing to die brining your child into this world and if that is not enough for you, then I cannot help you. Then I guess you will have to find love in the arms of a mistress, for at least one of us is able to do that and I will not stop you from finding love, but I do request that it doesn’t become public.”
At first he stopped, looking at her puzzled for a moment. She wanted the same thing? Then why –
And then it came out, her past, her reasons for why she was cold and distant from him and his heart ached as he watched her fight back tears. “Relena…” It was a hushed whisper of her name, trailing off as she began to speak once more, his facial features and body had begun to soften until she mentioned Robert and Lyanna and than stiffened once again. He knew they both needed to say their peace, to get their feelings out in the open but Viserys for a moment wished he could take it all back, not knowing all that he knew now. It hurt, but as she kept speaking he knew Relena was the one with a dead love while he was not.
He could never hope to be half of whatever kind of man this love was to her and as she spoke about love and than to speak of mistresses…They wanted two very different things. He wanted her and she…well, she didn’t really want him. “I could never have a mistress Relena. I vowed to be loyal to you. Even in our courtship…Relena, I am so so sorry for your loss and I wish he were here in place, you loved him very much, that is clear.” His words caught in his throat as he spoke, he wanted to say something vile and horrid to get rid of these sad feelings he had, to compare her to her father and say how he and her mother had something in common at last but he held his tongue. Wife or not she was still the Queen.
“I won’t force you to love me, I won’t force anything on you.” Viserys had glanced over at their her bed and now he feared their memory of their wedding night was to be tarnished forever and he wondered if she tried imagining their time together with someone else to bear through the ordeal. His eyes flickered back to Relena’s and he pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry.” He repeated over and over again, his head went from her shoulders to on top of her own head until he pulled away, a small kiss placed on her forehead as he did so and cleared his throat. “If anything happens, at all….good or bad with the babe. I want to be informed right away.”
Goldnwulf 