It’s time to bring an end to the Rape Anthem Masquerading As Christmas Carol
Hi there! Former English nerd/teacher here. Also a big fan of jazz of the 30s and 40s.
So. Here’s the thing. Given a cursory glance and applying today’s worldview to the song, yes, you’re right, it absolutely *sounds* like a rape anthem.
BUT! Let’s look closer!
“Hey what’s in this drink” was a stock joke at the time, and the punchline was invariably that there’s actually pretty much nothing in the drink, not even a significant amount of alcohol.
See, this woman is staying late, unchaperoned, at a dude’s house. In the 1940’s, that’s the kind of thing Good Girls aren’t supposed to do — and she wants people to think she’s a good girl. The woman in the song says outright, multiple times, that what other people will think of her staying is what she’s really concerned about: “the neighbors might think,” “my maiden aunt’s mind is vicious,” “there’s bound to be talk tomorrow.” But she’s having a really good time, and she wants to stay, and so she is excusing her uncharacteristically bold behavior (either to the guy or to herself) by blaming it on the drink — unaware that the drink is actually really weak, maybe not even alcoholic at all. That’s the joke. That is the standard joke that’s going on when a woman in media from the early-to-mid 20th century says “hey, what’s in this drink?” It is not a joke about how she’s drunk and about to be raped. It’s a joke about how she’s perfectly sober and about to have awesome consensual sex and use the drink for plausible deniability because she’s living in a society where women aren’t supposed to have sexual agency.
Basically, the song only makes sense in the context of a society in which women are expected to reject men’s advances whether they actually want to or not, and therefore it’s normal and expected for a lady’s gentleman companion to pressure her despite her protests, because he knows she would have to say that whether or not she meant it, and if she really wants to stay she won’t be able to justify doing so unless he offers her an excuse other than “I’m staying because I want to.” (That’s the main theme of the man’s lines in the song, suggesting excuses she can use when people ask later why she spent the night at his house: it was so cold out, there were no cabs available, he simply insisted because he was concerned about my safety in such awful weather, it was perfectly innocent and definitely not about sex at all!) In this particular case, he’s pretty clearly right, because the woman has a voice, and she’s using it to give all the culturally-understood signals that she actually does want to stay but can’t say so. She states explicitly that she’s resisting because she’s supposed to, not because she wants to: “I ought to say no no no…” She states explicitly that she’s just putting up a token resistance so she’ll be able to claim later that she did what’s expected of a decent woman in this situation: “at least I’m gonna say that I tried.” And at the end of the song they’re singing together, in harmony, because they’re both on the same page and they have been all along.
So it’s not actually a song about rape – in fact it’s a song about a woman finding a way to exercise sexual agency in a patriarchal society designed to stop her from doing so. But it’s also, at the same time, one of the best illustrations of rape culture that pop culture has ever produced. It’s a song about a society where women aren’t allowed to say yes…which happens to mean it’s also a society where women don’t have a clear and unambiguous way to say no.
remember loves: context is everything. and personal opinion matters. If you still find this song to be a problem, that’s fine. But please don’t make it into something it’s not because it’s been stripped of cultural context.
This is actually really interesting. I’ve never known a lot of the background to this song.
Who is more likely to raise their voice? Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Who trashes the house? Do either of them get physical? How often do they argue/disagree? Who is the first to apologise?
Sex:
Who is on top? Who is on the bottom? Who has the strangest desires? Any kinks? Who’s dominant in bed? Is head ever in the equation? If so, who is better at performing it? Ever had sex in public? Who moans the most? Who leaves the most marks? Who screams the loudest? Who is the more experienced of the two? Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Rough or soft? How long do they usually last? Is protection used? Does it ever get boring? Where is the strangest place they’d have sex?
Family:
Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? If so, how many children do your muses want/have? Who is the favorite parent? Who is the authoritative parent? Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Who goes to parent teacher interviews? Who changes the diapers? Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Who spends the most time with the children? Who packs their lunch boxes? Who gives their children ‘the talk’? Who cleans up after the kids? Who worries the most? Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?
Affection:
Who likes to cuddle? Who is the little spoon? Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Who gives the most kisses? What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? How often do they get time to themselves?
Sleeping:
Who snores? If both do, who snores the loudest? Do they share a bed or sleep separately? If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Who talks in their sleep? What do they wear to bed? Are either of your muses insomniacs? Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Who wakes up with bed hair? Who wakes up first? Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? What is their favourite sleeping position? Who hogs the sheets? Do they set an alarm each night? Can a television be found in their bedroom? Who has nightmares? Who has ridiculous dreams? Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Who makes the bed? What time is bed time? Any routines/rituals before bed? Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?
Work:
Who is the busiest? Who rakes in the highest income? Are any of your muses unemployed? Who takes the most sick days? Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Who sucks up to their boss? What are their jobs? Who stresses the most? Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Are your muses financially stable?
Home:
Who does the washing? Who takes out the trash? Who does the ironing? Who does the cooking? Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Who is messier? Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Who forgets to flush the toilet? Who is the prankster around the house? Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Who mows the lawn? Who answers the telephone? Who does the vacuuming? Who does the groceries? Who takes the longest to shower? Who spends the most time in the bathroom?
Miscellaneous:
Is money a problem? How many cars do they own? Do they own their home or do they rent? Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? Do they live in the city or in the country? Do they enjoy their surroundings? What’s their song? What do they do when they’re away from each other? Where did they first meet? How did they first meet? Who spends the most money when out shopping? Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Any mental issues? Who’s terrified of bugs? Who kills the spiders around the house? Their favourite place? Who pays the bills? Do they have any fears for their future? Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Who uses up all of the hot water? Who’s the tallest? Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Who wanders around in their underwear? Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? What do they tease each other about? Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Do they have mutual friends? Who crushed first? Any alcohol or substance related problems? Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Who swears the most?
She nearly snatched the steaming mug out of his hands it smelled so good.
“Oh I read it … I just thought it was part of the decorating — like you were going for a retro theme or something.”
“Well i’m not, and it’s policy” He explained.” People can take a break from their phones and enjoy some company or a book or whatever.” Jory made a wide gesture to everyone else who was either talking to another person or reading or even doodling, a kid had brought in a Nintendo DS and Jory gave a sour look and sighed.
“Technically, not breaking the rules..” He said a low tone more to himself. “Anyways, you passin’ on through or you stayin around this small town for long?”
Goldnwulf 