For perhaps the first time in her life, Meryll began to see the merits in wearing a dress rather than breeches. Certainly they were not very practical for a quick clandestine meeting in the corridor.
Whatever he was doing with his mouth was amazing, until he mentioned getting caught. Less talking, Bronn, and more kissing. The idea of being caught would have been exciting except that they were in Lord Tywin’s tower, and the idea of being discovered by Lord Tywin himself was a sobering thought.
“Seven hells, Bronn,” she swore, pushing his hand away from the ties on her breeches. “If Lord Tywin catches us, he’ll have your head and I’ll get sent back to the Twins.”
His room was only a few feet away, and why they couldn’t have made it there in the first place escaped her now that she was sobering up a little. Once safely inside with the door firmly shut, Meryll let her cloak drop to the floor and kicked off her boots. It was easy enough to shimmy out of her breeches now that Bronn wasn’t trying to help. For heavens sake, the man had been putting on and taking off his own breeches for his entire life and he still couldn’t figure out how to get someone else’s off.
She stood there before him in nothing but her linen tunic, long enough to cover her bottom, thank the gods. Her hair had long since fallen out of its makeshift updo and the neck of her tunic was already falling over her shoulders, thanks to Bronn’s untying of the drawstring. Without a lantern or candle lit, the room was dim, lit only by the faint bit of moonlight coming through a single window, and Meryll couldn’t make out the expression on Bronn’s face. This wasn’t exactly how she had envisioned this moment, but with any luck, Bronn was drunk enough that it didn’t matter.
She had no intentions of becoming like her sister, Amerei, but she failed to see anything wrong with having just one night of fun before being married off to some poor excuse for a Lannister. And Bronn was the perfect choice – witty, attractive and experienced, and not likely to get too attached.
“Well, what are you waiting for?”
Bronn was relieved as she stopped his movements and he lead her back to his room and he began to undress himself as he watched Meryll take off her breeches and he gave a grin as all that she was in was her tunic as he took his shirt off to revel a muscular bod heavily scarred with cuts and old scars. He heard something fall as he tossed his boots aside and shrugged it off sure it wasn’t important enough to worry about right now when he had a nearly naked woman in his room. “Nothin’“ he replied back to her as he crossed the room to where she was at, closing the distance between them and covered her mouth with his to resume their kiss as his hands traveled under her tunic and to her back although one gave her ass a smack, grinning as he kissed her.
He pushed her back towards the bed and while it wasn’t as fancy as she was probably used to, it did the job of bedding woman and being slept on and that’s all Bronn cared about. His hands worked their way around her body ever so slowly, catering to her breasts and thighs more so as he trailed his fingers downward before he held one leg in his hand and trailed a line of kisses down it gently nipping at the skin as he got towards the thigh and he slowly made his way towards her entrance, giving it a drawn out lick before he slithered his way back towards her chest and face.
He planted more kisses once again on her lips and neck. “You taste so sweet, maiden.” He growled, teasing Meryll some more with the song, giving a half assed attempt at a bear growl before his head found her wetness, tasting it once again and spent extra care on the part he knew would get her to whine until he himself began to want her so much that he pulled away and he looked at her, his eyes finding hers as he spoke “You ready?” He asked her, and as soon as he got his reply, he thrusted inside her and moved his hips as he would have with any other woman. Until he realized there was something off about Meryll and that’s when his pace slowed down and his thrusts became softer “Seven Hells Meryll.” He groaned as he came to a halt “Least tell me first. Are you okay?” He asked, concerned that he may have hurt her in some kind of way.
❛ let’s go home, ____ . ❜ ❛ i’m only yelling to impress the guys — i’ll never let anything happen to you, sugar bear . ❜ ❛ somebody hurt you ? … who ? ❜ ❛ now, please don’t cry . ❜ ❛ you’re gonna be fine ! ❜ ❛ that babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now . ❜ ❛ every good family film starts with a vicious murder ! bambi . the lion king . saw seven… ❜ ❛ god that’s lazy writing . ❜ ❛ no more senseless violence ! no more bloodshed ! ❜ ❛ you’re a goddamn superhero ! ❜ ❛ you’re exhausting . ❜ ❛ ha ! i see what you did there . ❜ ❛ this is the family that i’ve always dreamed of having . ❜ ❛ … is there a knife in my dick ? ❜ ❛ just let me die in peace . ❜ ❛ well, i’d like the mcrib to be available year round, but sometimes — dreams don’t come true ! ❜ ❛ kids give us a chance to be better than we used to be . ❜ ❛ i can’t wait to never speak of this as soon as possible . ❜ ❛ wait, wait, wait ! lets not do… whatever that is, okay ?! ❜ ❛ come quietly, or there will be trouble . ❜ ❛ okay, you know what—— that fucking does it ! ❜ ❛ blessed are the wicked who are healed by my hand . ❜ ❛ i want to become a contract killer . ❜ ❛ look, i can’t protect you . ❜ ❛ what are you…? don’t —— don’t do that . ❜ ❛ start the fucking car ! ❜ ❛ the depth of your heart is extraordinary . ❜ ❛ we all need a sense of belonging, we all need… a genuine sense of home . ❜ ❛ i want you to have my adventure time watch . ❜
If Jack Black doesn’t get an Oscar nom for this, it is proof that sf/action movies are being discriminated against, because he was FLAWLESS as a teenage girl, absolutely invisible behind his character, and that deserves massive recognition of his awesomeness.
(I also appreciate the writing which had both girls calling each other out on perceived issues, and both girls acknowledging the fairness of those call-outs and subsequently valuing each other as equals and becoming buds. No girl-fights here, thank you.)
This movie was far more amazing than it should have been, and I’m pretty sure that was at least 90% because the cast was so fantastic.
Not once in the entire film did I forget Jack Black was a teenage girl. It was one of the most brilliant performances I have ever seen and I still can’t believe I’m saying that about Jack Black in Jumanji II.
Is it tropey as hell? Yes.
Do they subvert some of the tropes some of the time? Heck yes.
Did they know they were going to be tropey as hell and made it the best possible versions of the tropes when they weren’t subverting them? Hell fucking yes.
Goldnwulf 