duskirises:

farashasilver:

karrius:

D&D players will always come up with the most bizarre, workable solutions to problems when you least expect it.

In one game I ran, the party needed to find a magical artifact and didn’t have any idea where it was at all. So they decided to use Commune to figure it out – but Commune as a spell only lets you ask yes or no questions, and get an answer out of it. So they took a map of the continent, drew a line down half of it, and asked “Is the artifact on this half of the map?”. They then continued, narrowing the artifact’s location down further and further, until they were able to pinpoint the exact building in question.

This reminds me of the last campaign I was in, when my husband played a Telepathic Psion. When we were coming up with our inventories at the beginning of the game, everyone else is putting down normal shit like horses, packs, travel provisions, money.

My husband asked for a bear trap.

The DM (who happened to be coolkidmitch) asked him what the hell he could possibly need a bear trap for, to which my husband only said, “You’ll see.” After about twenty minutes of figuring out what this bear trap would weigh, the skill my husband would have to roll in order to use it, and a bunch of other minutiae, my husband had a bear trap in his inventory.

Now, all of us kind of forgot about the bear trap while we were adventuring along on our escort quest (during which my husband’s Psion regularly tried to convince one of our employers that there was a golden acorn/tree of life/fountain of youth/whatever the fuck in the forest so she would wander off and get herself eaten by bears – she was really rude) until we run into a situation where we’ve been surprised by the locals and nobody can draw a weapon without causing a real problem.

My husband pulls the bear trap out of his saddlebag, holds it out to the nearest goon, and says the goon needs to roll a will check. When asked why the goon needs to roll a will check, my husband calmly replies, “He’s being offered the fanciest hat he’s ever seen in his life, and he really wants to put it on.”

Moment of silence around the gaming table as all of us realize that my husband is trying to end the encounter by convincing a goon to put a bear trap on his head like a hat.

The goon failed the will check.

My favourite thing that has ever been done in a game was what we call the tale of kobald jesus.

Our halfling cleric had been given a magical item that could cast three different spells, but he didn’t have a good enough spellcraft check to use it properly, so it was up to the dice as to which spell came out.

In the previous room he had used the rod and blinded a few enemies and half our party in the process, we finished the room but only had enough spells to cure blindness on two out of three people who needed it so we decided since the cleric had been the one to blind us, he would be the one to stay blind until we could find a place to rest and get our spells back.

So we go through a hallway to the next room and in the room there is a pit with a bridge that’s been cut and a dozen kobald archers looking at us from the other side. We aren’t a party that’s all that well fit for long range, I’m the only one that’s really suited to it and 1v12 doesn’t sound like a good idea.

So we quickly run back into the hallway to try to think up a strategy.

Our cleric goes ‘hey! I’m already blind so I can just cast the blindness spell out there while the rest of you stay in here so you don’t get blinded.

Well he goes on out, uses the rod

And casts light on himself.

So he’s standing there, glowing like a torch, kobolds going, what is this idiot doing?

So at this point the conversation gets away from us a bit and we start joking about a previous battle where our ranger/fighter leap over the hoard of enemies and started fighting them from behind and the phrase ‘where is your god now!’ was used and someone went wait, the cleric is sitting out there glowing like a jack o lantern, why don’t we bluff and pretend he’s a god.

Queue the lot of us scrabbling to figure out how we can help with this illusion and the wizard goes ‘I can levitate him!’ and the bard made a massive bluff check with the ranger/fighter and our dwarven fighter making assist checks so it now sounds like multiple voices are talking.

We successfully convinced the kobalds that this was their new god and he would lead them to salvation. All of this while the poor blind cleric is now hovering above and open gorge with no idea what is going on cause he wasn’t in the hallway when we came up with this plan.

Later on we found the kobald town and all of our new disciples’ heads were on pikes but whatever.