aslightstep:

I still don’t really understand why of all psychological terms they (read: Natasha, not a trained psychologist) went with in Iron Man 2, they went with narcissism. 

Psychologically, ‘narcissism’ has a different meaning than ‘extreme love of oneself,’ which does not fit Tony at all. According to google it means:

extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

And I mean, it’s not that I can’t see that, in a way? It’s just that the whole movie you have Tony basking in adoration for the Stark Expo or just being Iron Man and doing attention-seeking acts, but it wasn’t done because it made him happy, it was done out of fear because he was dying. And Natasha’s right there and she’s not stupid, she can see this (and in fact she actively encourages his downward spiral at one point but that is a completely different story about Tony forever has the right to throw SHIELD out on their asses.)

Not many Tony Stark fans are going to tell you the man doesn’t have an ego (see: “I just build everything and make everyone look cool” from AoU) but there’s something to be said for being humble and there’s something to be said for literally building everything the Avengers are using and enjoying some bragging rights.

But the point is, I could see ‘egotism’ or egomania being the word they/she went with because Tony, for all that I just made excuses and for all that he ‘took care’ of Pepper and Rhodey, didn’t really seem to take their actual feelings into account in Iron Man 2 and was pretty damned focused on himself. Understandable but also kinda messed up.

And nevermind that narcissism as Natasha was talking about it is an actual mental disorder. And now the darker parts of the fandom use the word like its gospel.

It just – it doesn’t reflect badly on just Tony, but Natasha and SHIELD too because these people are supposed to be intelligent. “Iron Man, yes. Tony Stark not recommended” well good goddamn you have just missed basically the entirety of Tony’s actual personality, well done you super-spies you.