Greek myths are fucking great because their gods are so human. They argue, they fuck up at things, they make fun of each other, they piss each other off, it’s great, there’s so much human interaction and then Christianity comes in like that guy and is all like “oh my god is infallible and knows everything and immortal and everywhere at once and you can’t see it but its totally there and stronger than everything” shut the fuck up Christianity go take a writing class
did you just call the Christian god a Mary Sue
WAIT but okay maybe on the surface the Christian God (YWHW Elohim), may seem perfect, but holy jeez He is not. In fact, the Bible is absolutely hilarious and people (and gods) are constantly fucking up. I just woke up from a nap and am typing this on my phone, but one prime example of YWHW totally being a whiny little hoe is the Golden Calf episode of Exodus 32.
Moses has been on Mount Sinai for a while, and after freeing the Jews (which, ok, I know Old Testament, but New Testament deals mainly with Jesus Christ, which is also a hilarious thing once you look more closely.) Essentially, they get tired of waiting for Moses, and make Aaron melt down their gold into a new idol for worship. He does, and voila, it’s a Golden Calf. They start partying and being debauched and shit.
YWHW does not like this. His first order after having Moses find out what happened is to KILL ALL THE FOLLOWERS HE JUST HAD MOSES WORK SO HARD TO FREE FROM PHARAOH. Moses is like “YWHW, buddy, pal, chum, N O. Let’s not do the whole ‘wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them’ (Exodus 32:10) thing.”
He’s also consistently referred to as a “jealous God,” basically because he’s like the popular girl in high school who can’t stand the idea of people not paying attention to Him and Him only.
tl;dr YWHW of the Bible is definitely not as zany as the Greek Gods, but He’s far from perfect. In fact, the Bible is a hilarious ride filled with hidden humor and references. Song of Songs is just erotic poetry, and Jesus is basically suffering through Beatlemania. Also Elisha the prophet takes over for Elijah, is super happy, but then this is literally a passage about him:
“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’ they said. ‘Get out of here, baldy!’” (2 Kings 2:23)
And then he gets angry, curses them in the name of the Lord, and a bear comes out and mauls the boys of the town.
And that’s my discount Bible lesson of the day.
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